I’ve never reblogged something before, but I think this is important. It is a big part of what I was trying to get at in my Identity Crisis series of posts.
I really believe that when a relationship ends, frequently for the person who “fell out of love” the problem wasn’t the relationship, but it was that they didn’t love themselves enough to sustain a loving relationship.
Anyhow, read on. It’s pretty great.
Shared by Michele Bolitho.
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Think on this.
If I ask you what sort of a person you are, you may tell me: ‘I’m powerful. I’m thoughtful and kind.’ You effectively tell me you’re a good person.
Powerful. Thoughtful. Kind. This is what you want me to think of you. You want me to think of you as a person of value. You want me to think you’re ‘Worth it’. I may well do this. I may take your self-assessment on face value and don’t sense any deeper. That’s fine with me.
But are you being honest?
Powerful. Thoughtful. Kind. How true is this? It may be the appropriate way you tell yourself to inter-relate with me but is this what you really think of yourself?
Yes, you are powerful because you are running your own life. Powerful is accurate as I see it, but do you think you are…
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thezombieshuffle 
Dear Zombiedrew2
I am fairly new to bogging (but not to what I write about). I really appreciate that you have reblogged this post, which first came from my blog http://intheknowing.wordpress.com/.
You may find it interesting that in my many years as a counselling psychologist in private practice, I chose not to work with couples. Occasionally I did, and found that the dark vibes in the room would preclude an open loving discussion.
By working with just one person at a time, we could focus on their personal contribution to the relationship. In time, which was often about three months, their relationship with self would make a fundamental shift. Gone was the distracting conviction: ‘I am failing in this relationship’ and a new desire to be a more loving partner would emerge.
Having got in touch with love inborn within (and mostly programmed out) they would project differently into the relationship. Inevitably the nature of the relationship changed, either moving into new strength and potential, or coming to a natural and understandable conclusion. If the latter happened, it no longer felt like a devastating failure. Moving on became a clear possibility. Even though painful, it felt ‘right’.
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Hi Michele,
Thanks for stopping by. My own blogging arose out of a failed marriage, and an attempt to try to better understand myself and what I want out of life in order to heal, and move forward.
I’ve come to solidify in my head what my own philosophies are on life and love, and one of the key things to me was the concept of self-love. I think I always had it, but it wasn’t something I had really thought about. But as I spoke to other people and learned about other experiences it really struck me that in order to fully love someone else, you must first love yourself.
If you don’t, then you end up depending on that other person for fulfillment and validation. And over time, they will invariably disappoint. I think your relationship with your partner has to be one where you enhance each others lives, rather than one where you depend on them for your own happiness. And that starts with you.
I’ve written about a number of topics on relationships, and recently organized them through the quick links at the top. If you get a chance check some of them out. I would love to hear your perspective.
Drew
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