Welcome to The Zombie Shuffle blog!!!
The basic idea behind this blog was that we all just kind of stumble our way through our relationships (just doing the zombie shuffle). For many people, that’s enough and we are able to find happiness. But for many of us we run into difficult times, and sometimes those times can be overwhelming. Sometimes we need help and guidance. Sometimes we need a shoulder to cry on, or just to know that we aren’t alone.
I hope to use this blog to explore concepts on life and love. Everyone who gets married wants and expects it to last. So why do so many fail? And for those that don’t fail, why do so many people end up unhappy or in a marriage that isn’t satisfying? What are we doing wrong? Those are questions I ask myself, and this is my forum for coming up with possible answers.
I encourage any feedback, as I think we all have a lot to learn from each other. And by listening to different ideas and different perspectives we can better ourselves, and hopefully that will carry over into our relationships.
For years my life had gone down its expected path:
Finish high school, go to university. Meet a girl, start a career, get married, do some travelling, start a family. Buy a house, try preparing for the future while balancing and enjoying the present.
There was no white picket fence (its pressure treated wood, and I recently stained it a cedar tone), but I was living the Canadian equivalent of the “American Dream”. I had plans to continue my career, pay off the house, try to shape the children to be the best people they could possibly be, start traveling again and grow old happily with my wife.
We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable, and I my defined success more by my family then the size of my paycheck anyhow. My greatest dream was to find ourselves retirees, still very much in love, walking hand in hand down the beach of some tropical destination.
After many years of marriage I noticed my wife had seemed “down”. A distance between us seemed to be forming, and it seemed to be getting worse. One night I asked her if everything was alright and next thing I knew my whole world was crumbling around me. She didn’t love me any more, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be married anymore. There was other stuff, but those were the ones that resonated.
Hearing that stuff hurt, a lot. I told myself that marriages go through rough patches and that is what this would be. I told myself this could be a good thing. For her to feel this way there were reasons, and if we could figure them out we would strengthen our marriage and build for a stronger future. If I could understand what went wrong and why she felt that way, we could make things better. After all, I loved her – wasn’t that enough?
Well, after spending years fighting “for” the marriage we ultimately decided to go our separate ways. It wasn’t the outcome I had hoped for, but after that first day she never seemed to buy into the belief that life together could be fulfilling and rewarding. And really, for a relationship to work BOTH people need to want it.
Now I find myself in a spot I never expected. Restarting my life in my 40’s, and hoping to one day find my “forever person” and build a relationship that will hopefully be able to endure.
Those limbo years spent fighting for a marriage that was already over were difficult, but I try not to think of them as wasted. Because during that time I think I’ve learned a lot about myself and relationships in general, and that is what I hope to share.