In my last post I discussed one of my major life/relationship philosophies; the notion that my life is not my own. It is, but even though I am an individual my actions impact others. Due to this I can’t just *do what I want*, I need to keep others in mind with everything I do.
One of my other major life philosophies is the concept of enough.
What is enough?
What does this even mean?
A few weeks back I went and saw the movie Logan (great movie by the way), and before it there was a trailer for the upcoming Fast and the Furious movie with excerpts of interviews with the directors. In it, the directors talked about how the Fast and the Furious movies are always spectacles, and for this one they felt they needed to top the previous one. They wanted it to be bigger and better; with more explosions and more elaborate stunts.
This idea of “bigger is better” (or “more is better”) is common in movies (particularly sequels). And this line of thinking isn’t limited to movies, it exists everywhere in life.
If something is good, then more of that something is better, right? We can improve anything, just by having more of it.
How do we know we have a “good” life? We measure it by our happiness, right? So it stands to reason that if we REALLY had a good life we would always be happy. And if we’re not always happy, then something is missing.
We just need to find what that something is, and then we will be happier.
But what do we need?
More money? A better job? A better house? A better body? More sex? More friends? More time out “having fun”? A better lover/partner?
One of these? Some of these? All of these?
Will ANY of these improve the quality of our life? Will any of them actually make us happier?
Personally I think our notion that you can measure quality by of life by “happiness” is broken, but the “more is better” logic tells us yes. And who knows, maybe changing some of these things would result in improvements to our level of happiness.
If we get that raise, maybe now we can go on that trip we wanted. Maybe we upgrade to the bigger house, or the nicer car. If we lose that weight maybe we will feel better about ourselves.
These sorts of things do feel pretty good, at least in the moment. But it’s always short lived. These sorts of improvements are only temporary, because there’s a fundamental problem with “more”.
It’s doesn’t matter how much you have. There will ALWAYS be more.
You can always make more money. There is always a better job, a better house. You lose those 10 pounds, and there are always other changes you can make. Even if your partner is pretty good, there is always going to be another person out there who will be a better lover or partner.
Here’s the problem…
When we believe we don’t have enough, it leads to unhappiness. Because when feel we don’t have enough, we are focused on what we DON’T have. We are focused on what our life is “missing”.
And when we are preoccupied with what we don’t have, we are unable to be present, to actually “live” in the moment.
So to me, the REAL question is not about more.
The REAL question becomes, what is enough.
Continuous growth is unsustainable. There is always going to be something you don’t have. You can always have more.
At what point are you able to be content with what you already have?
To me, THAT is the key. Being able to say “yes, there’s more. But that’s alright because what I have is enough for me”.
My job is enough. My house is enough. My partner is enough. My life is enough.
I am enough.
Enough is about appreciating what you have right now, today; instead of focusing on what you don’t. To me, this should be a good thing, a positive.
But instead, believing that what you have is enough seems to be looked down upon. There seems to be this notion that saying something is enough is about not striving to improve, or about settling.
And in today’s culture, settling seems to be one of the worst things you can do.
Just turn on a television, open a magazine, or listen to the radio. Within a few minutes, you will probably see or hear something telling you how amazing you are. How special you are, and how you deserve the best. After all, YOU are special – You aren’t like everyone else. You should stand out, not fit in. So if you don’t have the best, you are settling. And you could or should have had more. This same approach is used in marketing to make you want to get the best for your partner, or your children. Aren’t they special too? Don’t you want the best for them? Don’t THEY deserve it?
Of COURSE your kids should have the best. Of COURSE your partner should have the best.
But here’s a secret…
I am not special.
You are not special.
Sorry, it’s true. We are all just people.
Regular people, going about our regular lives and doing regular things. Most of us get up in the morning and go to work at jobs that aren’t glamorous but allow us to live our lives. We cook our meals, do our laundry, clean our living spaces. We pay our bills, and hope that at the end of the day there’s enough money and/or energy left over for us to take some time out and do something special for ourselves.
This is reality for most of us, and that should be alright.
I’m not saying that no matter what you have, it should be enough for you. I’m not saying people shouldn’t want more out of life.
Sometimes you DON’T have enough money, and it’s damned hard to get by. Maybe your family HAS outgrown your house, or your vehicle.
And sometimes your partner IS an asshole, and you DO deserve someone who will treat you better (and in turn allow you to treat them better).
It’s not bad to want more, or different.
But what I AM saying is more doesn’t necessarily make things better.
Ask yourself this – if what you have today isn’t making you happy, why in the world would you think that more would make it better?
Life is multi-faceted, and there is balance to be found in everything. There are many areas in life where we can change, and improve. And for each of these areas we need to figure out what enough looks like for ourselves.
Maybe you DO need that six figure salary. Maybe you DO need that big vacation every year.
Enough for me may not be the same as enough for you. And that’s alright.
Each person needs to define that for themselves, and doing so involves looking inward. It involves truly understanding ourselves, and our boundaries. It also involves understanding the difference between need and want, and in today’s world I think we often confuse that.
More isn’t better. And it won’t make us happier. And actually, sometimes it’s the scarcity of something that makes us appreciate even more when we do have it.
When I look at my life, there are a ton of things I would *love* to do. I love travelling, and would be happy to do more of it. I wish I could eat out more, or at least at some of the places I know are outside of my price range. I wish I had more free time to just slack off, and do some things for me.
But then I ask myself, what REALLY matters? What are my REAL priorities?
My children. My family. The people who actually matter in my life, and who I matter to.
I know what love looks like, and I know what caring looks like. And I know what it means to me.
When look at my life I can truthfully say I like what I see. And I know that for me at least, it’s enough.
thezombieshuffle 
I TRULY love this. I have been reading about this and thinking about this a lot lately. This whole idea reminds me a lot of one of the chapters in the book by Mark Manson. Have you read it?
I don’t know if it’s age or possible signs of maturity but the whole “more game” is getting real old for me. I want challenges and I do want quite a few aspects of my life to improve. Growth is good and people should continue to grow. Some stuff though, I just want comfortable.
I’m tired and typing this in a grocery aisle so it may not make sense at all but I feel like maybe it does a little…:)
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Hi Natasha,
I have the Mark Manson book but haven’t finished reading it yet. I’m a few chapters in, and see significant parallels in the way he and I view life. I’ve actually been writing about this concept for over three years now, but it’s really in the past two years that I have started to go down the well of self-discovery to really understand who “I” am, and what enough looks like for me. And I think I really get that now (for me anyhow), and it has allowed me to be at peace even during the times that my life was spiralling down paths I never wanted or expected.
Here’s something I wrote back in early 2014:
“If you are someone who is unhappy with where your life is at the moment, here’s something to think about. Perfection is an ideal that can not be attained. Nothing is perfect. No person is perfect and no relationship is perfect. But I’ll guess if you take a good look at yourself you will see that you have a lot to be thankful for. Take a look at your relationship and look at what is good about it, not at what is missing. Focus on the positives and allow yourself to appreciate what you have around you. If you can do that you will find your overall level of happiness will increase. Fix your own outlook on life and not only will the negatives in your life not seem so bad, but they will also be easier to approach and try to improve.”
I think those words are as true now as they were back then. Replace the word “Perfection” with the idea of “more is better”, and you have the same sort of thing I’m talking about in this post. The main “personal discovery” I’ve made since then though is, although nothing is ever perfect there IS a sense of enough. And when we can understand ourselves and know what enough is for us, then we can strive towards it. It’s related to boundaries, and I also think related to accepting that our life is not just about us. When you put all that together, for me at least it leads to contentment.
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I completely agree. It ties in well with your recent posts. We don’t get to be happy about everything and we don’t deserve complete happiness. I love hearing people say “you’re not special”. Before I even came to that chapter in the book I’d said it to others and thought it about myself. We’re not special. There is pain, joy, suffering, anger, sadness, happiness, contentment everywhere. I think the most I can really say is that we all deserve to feel balanced, and “deserve” is a strong word that carries with it a sense of entitlement.
Great post, great thoughts.
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I like that you use the word balance, as I’ve always believed extremes of any kind are unhealthy.
Back in 2015 I came up with my “3 keys for a successful relationship”:
1) actively love each other
2) don’t be selfish
3) actively communicate
I could have added a few more things, but distilling it down to the simplest parts I think those three rules are pretty good. And IF couples can pull them off (easier said then done) then I think most relationships would be in a better place.
Of those rules, I think rule 2 (don’t be selfish) is perhaps the most important. When we talk about people thinking they are special, wanting “more”, or acting entitled – ego and selfishness is usually at the heart of it. And I’m not one to say that you always need to be selfless and put the other person first, because that doesn’t work very well either. It goes back to my last few posts.
Knowing who you are, what your boundaries are, and then enforcing them is important. To me it means you value yourself (but not in a narcissistic way), and are willing to stand up for yourself and your core values. Accepting that your life is not your own is a huge part of not being selfish. You need to truly see and understand how your actions impact others, and be willing to take them into account before you act. And then this post about accepting that you aren’t special, and things will suck sometimes, and that’s alright. Putting all of those together is a big part of how I personally think we should be trying to have healthy relationships.
To me a healthy relationship isn’t about me, and it isn’t about you. It’s not about one person wanting to be “taken care of” by the other person. It’s about two people who accept each other for who they are – flaws and all, but even with that have actively decided to build something together that is bigger than both of them individually.
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I completely agree. I don’t know whose blog had this but it resonanted with me, to out kind one another. I think that’s great. Stop thinking in terms of tally marks of who did or didn’t do what, just be kind. Sometimes good stuff will follow, sometimes it won’t. That’s where your boundaries come in. Setting limits, even when it does hurt others, is necessary sometimes.
Even so, I’m not really in the same boat as many of these blogs about keeping marriages together. I think I’ve seen more people than not get out of marriages that they clearly should not be part of. I think it’s less a product of people not valuing marriage and more a product of people beginning to value themselves more than people have in decades past. Not to say it’s fun and good, because it’s not, but I also disagree with the overall objective of MBTTTR(which in ways resembles yours) of keeping marriages together. Yes, I think marriages should be worked on and advice from people who have been through it is incredibly important and valid, I just think overall people have married the wrong people. That sounds awful and maybe it is, but I rarely find people now who married because they found someone that just clicked. More often than not people marry for financial security, unexpected pregnancies, fear of being alone, etc. I think a lot of the marriages that ultimately end showed signs of being a poor fit(atleast on one side) from the start. Maybe they didn’t voice their concerns, maybe they didn’t even think they were valid and were working off simply not wanting to hurt someone else. Whichever way you look at it, it doesn’t usually come out of nowhere. I do think people give up too easily, and then at the same time sometimes people don’t know when to be honest with themselves and call it quits. I’ve been through failed relationships with kids and I can say without a doubt, the situation is what you make of it for all parties involved.
I think I got way off topic but that’s what these blog posts do!
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“I think it’s less a product of people not valuing marriage and more a product of people beginning to value themselves more than people have in decades past.”
I think that’s true, and I also think that’s a problem. Maybe the pendulum has swung a bit too much the other way, where too much emphasis is placed on the individual – and their belief that they “deserve” certain things.
When I started my blog, my focus was more on keeping marriages (or just relationships) together – or at least making them the best they can be. And in some ways that’s still the focus, but I think I’ve shifted more into trying to be the best “you” that you can be, and how to grow as a person. Which will probably help the relationship too.
As for marrying the wrong person – this may not be a popular idea but I think the success of a marriage has a lot more to do with the why than the who. Yeah, people often marry the wrong person. But then again, there is no right person. I could make a go at marrying pretty much anyone if I wanted, with varying degrees of success. And compatibility IS important in some ways. But I think that compatibility is more about core values than anything else. We are all different, so there will always be gaps.
If I start a relationship with a person who is “good” for me or a person who is “bad” for me, a lot of it is still going to come down to how both she and I approach the relationship. And I think that’s where the “why” comes in.
Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to be with the other person?
It can’t just be becuase you are scared to be alone, or you can’t afford things, or you want a mommy/daddy for your kids, or you want someone to take care of you.
To me, it only *really* works if you are fine with the idea of being on your own, but at the same time you want to share your life with someone else and build something WITH them. It can’t be just about you.
I think a lot of marriages fail not so much because of the person, but because of broken beliefs and expectations of what marriage is and what it looks like. Kind of like the notion that we should always be happy, it’s wrong. And buying into that leads to a lot of unhappiness. Believing marriage should fulfill you and make you whole just sets it up for disappointment when things go south – which they will.
I think most marriages/relationships can be better than they currently are if people would only start to recognize the common mistakes we all make, and accept that it’s alright if things suck sometimes – that doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is “bad”. At the same time, I think there are times that a relationship has run it’s course, and the couples wants/need and approaches to the relationship are so badly misaligned that they are better off apart.
My marriage ended for a lot of reasons. No point getting into them here, but you’re right, some of those reasons were evident from the beginning. However the things that broke us apart didn’t necessarily HAVE to break us apart. They broke us apart because we let them. We weren’t willing to do the work that needed to be done to make things better for both of us. As a result of a refusal to change, it’s better for both of us to be apart. And we can each move on with our lives in a way that will suit both of us better moving forward. But we could have. There was once a lot of good. And had we been willing to see that and accept that, we might have been able to do a better job of working through the bad.
For a relationship to work, both people need to want it. And if they don’t, one person will NEVER be able to keep it alive and have it thrive.
That’s my biggest takeaway – if I’m ever in a relationship and I recognize that I don’t really want it anymore, I’m out. And I want my partner to do the same.
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I guess my thoughts on that are that typically our problems become excacerbated when we choose to marry for the wrong reasons. I think we can absolutely choose to make it work with the wrong people. However, unless you’re a person that doesn’t value emotion much, it seems it would create a bit of a train wreck. Some people do it and accept that they are going to live a life without that type of love, which is sad yet admirable.
I hate to make it a woman vs. man issue but as a woman, I understand the selfishness. Even at 37 I remember growing up in a time where society was just starting to wake up from the sexism of previous decades(and really centuries). I still see the traditional roles very prevalent in certain areas of our society. It seems atleast from a female perspective, it’s hard for the pendulum to not swing hard in the other direction. The way you write conveys that you are likely very aware of these issues and sensitive to them however, it’s hard to describe how daily women deal with the same issues women have been dealing with for centuries. In modern times we now work(and make less for the same jobs) a lot of us are primary care givers to or children, we cook, we clean, we set appointments and remember all of them, spend time with family, set activities for our kids and the list goes on. I can tell you if I’m doing all of those things, and then I’m expected to deal with someone who is being an ass to me day in and day out, my answer is real simple, I’m out. In that regard I see why people write these blogs to help men, however, I think many of the men committing these marital crimes aren’t seeking help. A lot, not all by any mean, but a lot of the men I encounter in my life seem to be pretty unaware of how their actions make others feel, even when they’re attempting the opposite. In my opinion the only way to break this cycle, because marriages are going to continue to end, is to teach our kids how to do this whole relationship thing differently. While it’s therapeutic to talk these things out as an adult, nothing really changes until we’re able to get these messages across to our children.
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their mom, and take care of them. On the flipside, you also have women who by into traditional gender roles and are also looking for a partner to take care of them – just in different ways. If both people actually want that and it works for them, great. More and more though, I think people want thier partner to be someone who wants to be with them for “them”, and wants to build something good with them. And when that’s what one person wants, but the other is looking for more of the traditional relationship you get a very unhealthy dynamic.
You mention emotion, and living life without that “type of love”. I’m not 100% sure what you mean there, but I’ll guess you are talking about strong loving feelings, or a sense of connection with the other person. I think “love” is just as difficult and misunderstood as “happiness” (fromscratchmomblog and I talk a bit about happiness below). I think the passion that is often associated with love is something that can come and go, and will fade in time if it’s not nurtured (by both parties). But even when you are in times where the passion isn’t there, I think the sense of connection always should be.
This is part of why I think your reasons for marriage/relationship are more important than the who. In terms of a wrong person – I don’t think there IS a right person. Or a wrong one really. Even people with the best compatibility will have things “wrong”, and they also change over time. So the “right” person today may not be the right person tomorrow. So both peoples reasons for being there is huge to me. And that’s not to downplay love at all. I guess I just think you can have a strong love and connection with a lot of different people. Really, the early loving feeling is the easy part. As they say, falling in love is easy – staying there is a lot harder. I don’t want to just fall in love with someone great (for me). I also want to stay in love with her, and have it last over time. I want it to be the best it can be, for both people. This is why I look a lot at the reasons people are there. The reasons impact commitment, and not just commitment to stay (as I hate the idea of a dead marriage where people stay just because they made a “promise” to each other); but a commitment to work together to make the relationship the best it can be.
Hopefully this makes sense?
Now, you talk about teaching things to our children…
I’m with you 100% here, and have some thoughts that may piss you (and others off), because I realize it can sound like victim blaming. But hopefully you will bear with me and hear me out.
I’ve got a buddy who’s a slob. He’s a great guy, but super messy and never cleans up after himself. Honestly, I don’t think it even occurs to him. If you meet him and see this first hand, lets just say it doesn’t make a favourable impression of him. But who’s “fault” is it that he’s like this? Growing up, he never had to because his mom always did it. Neither parent enforced in him the idea that hey, your mess, you clean it up. Then he found himself in a relationship with a girlfriend who was a “replacement mommy” in this regard, and he still doesn’t. Although it seems obvious to me that he should clean up after himself, why in the world would he? It’s “easier” not to, and someone else does it for him.
As parents, and as partners, I think sometimes we kill people with kindness. We want to make things easy for our kids, so we inadvertently wrap them in these little bubbles – and in the process make them dependent on us. Or at the very least, fail to teach them to take care of themselves. If I had a job that paid me whether I worked or not, and whether I showed up or not; I think there’s a pretty good chance I would slack off a lot more than I should. Because really, at that point, why work?
This is the sort of stuff I was getting at with boundaries a few posts back. We need to know what our boundaries are, be willing to enforce them, and be willing to walk away when someone repeatedly violates them. If someone continually violates our boundaries and we do nothing about it, we are showing them it’s alright. We are telling them it’s alright for them to disrespect us, because we are showing that we don’t actually respect ourselves. Things is, it’s kind of natural at first. Because when we are young we don’t really know ourselves and what our boundaries are. I think we only start to learn them by having them violated (which sucks by the way).
I don’t blame myself per se for allowing my boundaries to be violated. I thought I was doing the right thing, and being a loving partner. I wasn’t though. So in a way, yeah, I was at fault. Not for how I was treated, but for how I enabled it and allowed it to continue.
That was a VERY hard lesson for me. And walking away was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.
Now, it’s really important for me to teach my children to understand themselves, and understand what thier boundaries are and what they will and will not accept. They are too young to get it now, but something as simple as setting rules and enforcing them I hope will go a long way, and lay the groundwork for understanding relationships and the empathy required to make them work.
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God’s grace is sufficient for me. That’s the most basic and most important answer to that question for me.
Thirty years ago, I had a t-shirt that said Happiness is a choice. It came from a a group with some rather different philosophies than what I ascribe to but I loved that t-shirt and I think they were onto something, a version of my own most basic answer that sort of worked for them. It concerns me that their answer feels like victim blaming to anyone who is facing a great deal of tragedy, it’s a little too cliche and a little to light on help and encouragement for the weak and the downtrodden. But they began to understand that happiness does not come from all the world around us.
We need to get there in a different way. We need to choose (or to choose to learn) to be content before we can be open to true joy. I certain like your post here which says something similar to me. It’s a personal journey. No one can choose it for someone else. And in reality always looking for more is a joy killer.
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I’m a firm believer that happiness is “mostly” a choice. I don’t believe that it’s as simple as just saying I’m going to be happy, and ignoring all the bad things that go on around us. Rather, I think a lot of unhappiness has to do with a need for control.
The reality to me is, we have very little control in our life. Stuff happens around us all the time. I could come into work today and find out I’ve lost my job. One of my children could be severely hurt or worse (don’t even want to write it). I could find out I have a serious illness. All sorts of stuff can happen, and often there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it.
Really, I can do a lot of things to influence my life and the world around me, but I sure can’t control it. And I accept that.
That doesn’t make me a victim though. Although I can’t control things (and I shouldn’t want to), I can ALWAYS control how I respond to things. How I deal with things, and how I try to move forward. I always have CHOICE in how I approach the world.
Sometimes things won’t work out the way I want them to, and that’s alright. Success or failure is not about the result, or the end state. It’s about the journey, and the choices I make along the way. If I try to make “the right choices” and things still don’t work out, I would still say that was a success – because I did all I could.
So for me, happiness has a lot to do with accepting my limited control/influence, but still choosing to live my life according to my core values. Actually happiness is probably the wrong word here – mainly due to the way the word “happiness” seems to be used. I actually think happiness is overrated. No one is happy all the time, and we shouldn’t expect to be. And a pursuit of happiness may very well be one of the largest causes of unhappiness. To me it’s all about enough – or contentment. I think the two words can probably be used interchangeably here.
Thanks for your thoughts
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Absolutely. I wrote in my journal, moments before I saw this reply, a rather long-winded bit that centered around the differences between people who ‘worship with the cult of positive thinking’ as I call it versus people who really spread good in the world by dealing with real problems openly/cooperatively/effectively. I wrote about several poignant, recent experiences with people who have helped in real ways versus a few with people who get upset and go on the attack to silence those who are dealing with the unpleasant realities that life has presented them.
Contentment and true joy never come from chasing happiness. Happiness if people want to call it that is just a completely different animal than what most people think it is.
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“Contentment and true joy never come from chasing happiness. Happiness if people want to call it that is just a completely different animal than what most people think it is.”
I can’t begin to express how grateful I am to see that statement.
If you look though my posts, you’ll see that I periodically bash “happiness”. I think it’s a concept that is very misunderstood, and is one that often does more harm than good.
The things people do in pursuit of happiness, or because they believe “everyone deserves to be happy” is often reprehensible to me.
No one “deserves” to be happy. And often saying that is done in pursuit of selfishness, and pleasure.
Contentment. Joy. Those are MUCH more important.
One thing I would ask – does your happiness come at the expense of someone else? Does it detract from someone else’s happiness?
If so, I suspect you are pursuing the wrong thing.
Contentment and joy comes from within. And should never result in others being hurt for your own satisfaction.
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I wrote a comment last night, but was having computer trouble and it didn’t send. But here is the general gist…
I know on my life I never felt like I was good enough- for others or for myself. So, I worked hard to become better-known gaining inward and outwardly achievements.
I needed the outward achievements in order to feel good enough for others.
But, as I’ve finally gotten where I wanted to be, I see so many things I missed that would have made me “happy” – the things o really wanted. Things like friendship and belonging etc. I never felt good enough to really engage in those things, so I couldn’t.
Now I do feel somewhat satisfied with where I am both inwardly and outwardly, but I think what happens is we believe the outward achievements will make our insides happy… And it never does, it never satisfies.
More of something that doesn’t satisfy is still not going to satisfy no matter how much we get.
I think that’s the problem. We just are not in touch with the things that give us real value and meaning.
My take, anyway.
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“I think what happens is we believe the outward achievements will make our insides happy… And it never does, it never satisfies.”
I completely agree Lindsey. That’s what I meant when I said that stuff is just temporary. It’s like putting a band-aid on a gaping emptiness inside our soul.
I’m no expert on addictions, but I think addictions often are the same thing. There is *something* wrong, some void inside people. And to address it people do things to try and numb the pain. Drinking, drugs, affairs, whatever. These things are often done to try to “find happiness”, or to try to just “feel” again. Because they know something is wrong. But instead of looking inward, people look outward for what is wrong.
Oh, it’s because I have a crappy job. Because I need to lose weight. Because my boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t enough for me. I need something different. I need something more.
And maybe sometimes that applies. But more frequently I think it’s because of this internal void. Because at some deeper level, people don’t believe THEY are enough. And instead of facing it we look for external validation. Getting that next big thing will prove to others (and our ego) that WE are great. We must be, because we got this thing, or did this thing. People have affairs, because they need to feel sexy or desired – and it’s not actually about how thier partner treats them, it’s about how they feel about themselves.
People NEED external validation, when internally there’s something empty.
So the important thing as you said is finding what gives us real value and meaning. But not just that, I think it’s also important to accept that life will suck sometimes. We won’t always be happy. And that’s okay.
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* that is supposed to be “worked hard to be better. ” NOT better-known. Auto correct- it’s the devil.
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Perfect post for Passover. Dayenu.
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It is true, there’s always something better but we need to be content with what we have besides we cannot have everything and too much is also not good. It should always be in moderation and so it should be enough but being human it is hard sometimes.
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This is a fantastic post, and one that is close to me personally. For years, I’ve been trying to chase down that elusive dream of happiness by always wanting more. If only I had a better job, if only I had more stuff, if only I had more friends, then I would be happy. Funny thing is that I was never happy as I never found it. I discovered that it’s what’s internal that brings true happiness. And the word that I like using is contentment. Being content with what you have focuses on what you have, which is a positive view on life, instead of what you don’t have, which is a negative view of life.
I know that contentment is considered to be bad in today’s society, but if more people were content with what they have and who they are, we would all be happier that what we are now.
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I think society in general seems to think that contentment and settling are equivalent. To me, that is lazy use of English 🙂 I see contentment as what you are talking about here…this is enough for me and truly meaning it. And for me, settling has connotations of laziness, not worth the effort, I want more but for x, y, or z reason am not going to pursue it.
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I agree with your notion that many treat contentment and settling as the same thing, and I don’t think they are. People shouldn’t always need “more”, “bigger” or “better”. When you have enough, it means you are content with what you have. And that should be fine.
Thanks for getting it!
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